i just don't get it why human loves to complain, compare and more complain.
minor problems get it sorted out and voila, it's all good.

my statues as a mother and my life as a motherhood has been such a roller coaster ride.
i've been tested again and again.
my feelings has never been so despair till yesterday incident.
it still lingers through my mind how my son calls after my name despite he's going to lala land already.
mummy... mummy...
which the actual fact i'm right there carrying him whilst the doctor put him on medication to sleep.
he WAS scared.
so scared to lose me.
i just broke down inside of me.
i just can't cry infront of so many doctors.
thats me.
i convince myself it's going to be alright.

step out of the operation room while the doctor stitched him away.
on his lips this time.
and no.
i wasn't responsible for his incident.
it was his paternal grandmother instead.

i don't know if i should be angry or so at her.
but though she is partially involved in it, i can't get the feelings of moment till now.

i'm just too upset.
i just cant bring myself thinking about it till now.
saddens me too much.

why why why.
whenever i cry it has always been in my heart.
and i don't know how much longer can my heart takes it.
with everyday life is a challenge, i took one at a step.

if anyone dare to say my son looks ugly with stitches on him, i swear i'm going to make one for yours.
no one knows how it feels.
and i truly believed that he is still beautiful in my eyes.
he is.
then. now. later.
still beautiful toddler boy in my eyes.

besides those visible scars, he IS my precious.
one whom i can't forget everywhere i go.

i just love you so much Muhammad Danish.
So much.