perfectionist is a bitch.

recently, baby Dan isn't his self.
sometimes, he would wake up from his beauty sleep and just wails non-stop.
woah! i got a shock of my life.
i mean it has been ages since he wails constantly.
bringing him up is the most challenging motherhood i ever encountered.
he requires special attention from me.
no, he is not mentally or physically disable.
it's just that he loves the attention given to him.
especially from me.

today i'm acting like one mother bitch.
i've hurt hubby with my words.
i really really love him alot.
i really do.
it's just that i can't fulfill his passion.

as most of you know, his passion is his drum.
he loves playing the drum and explore more with his current band.
but commitments he had to carry is too heavy for him.
he got family, career and music industry.
he's all so excited for his new band and i had to ruin it.
like a bloody bitch.
urgh!

he'll be playing his first and last gig for this new band.
and he's expecting me to be there to give him moral support.
i wished i could but where to put that ninit boy?
if only ninit boy can do without me which i find it impossible.

i mean for the past few years that he played with a different band, i was never there.
every gig has its own reason.
haiz.

i love you sweets.
what you said to me just now makes me feel more guilty.
i mean i don't know what to do when you're not around.
it's like i'm missing something.
and you know i can't sleep without you by my side.
it's true okay!
i will bloody wait till 5am for him to come back so that i can hug him to sleep.
the bed felt empty without him.
even if ninit boy were to replace him temporary.
hehe. ninit boy so small.
cannot hug.

bloody bloody.
now i like got no mood for shopping.
funny.

i love you so.

"the past builds a history.
the present builds the future.
the future builds the passion."

i talk what i feel like it.
hate it butt off.